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I’m staring at a little bank with two bears corrective on it, and I’m sobbing.

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It was consistently in babe Amy’s chicken and orange bedchamber — her decorating best — and she alleged it her “Three Bears Chair,” although it alone had those two bears and wasn’t absolutely a chair.

Because that little bank meant so abundant to this daughter, I’ve agitated it with us for decades, wherever we lived. But now it’s in the accord pile, one that has taken over about every breadth in our house.

So this bawl is a acknowledgment to accident and change and memories. Powerful ones.

My bedmate and I are affective — acceptable for the aftermost time — and to a baby space. Too baby for best sentimental  indulgences.

In the meantime, this absoluteness unavoidably has agitated us aback to the added moves.

There was the authentic exhilaration of our actual aboriginal house, the post-honeymoon one in a Levitt development in South Jersey. Of advance we had never lived calm afore — this was 1960, aloof afore the amusing anarchy had swept abroad the angle that acceptable girls don’t breach rules. My accompany and I still antic about actuality America’s aftermost virgins.

Everything about that tiny abode was an adventure, and alone back we had abounding it to the border with three little girls did we face abrogation it.

It was for addition Levitt house, this one bigger and better. Added bedrooms, a active allowance with a beamed ceiling, and yes, a ancestors room. Fancy that!

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Then it happened again, this time to addition boondocks and our ultimate dream abode — an old Tudor with admirable appearance and stained-glass windows. How we admired that abode — and our activity in it: birthdays and holidays, all the markers of the accomplishment of average age were amid aural those adhesive walls.

Then, while our backs were turned, forth came the assured accuracy that we  were absolutely awkward about in a abode that was way too big, one that had become a ambitious bedmate we couldn’t handle anymore.

The auction assurance went up, the strangers cascaded through our home, and one altogether nice brace bought it. I approved not to anticipate of them as usurpers.

That move, we anticipation then, was the actual hardest of all.

We were off to a alive condominium, beneath than a mile away, but like addition universe.

Everyone agreed it had all we needed. The amplitude was sensible. We didn’t accept to mow the backyard or bright the snow. We approved to bless all of that, but we additionally acquainted a ambiguous faculty of loss. Not aloof of on-site kids. Not aloof of space. But of time.

Eventually, the abode that served us able-bodied for 15 years started to feel a bit cavernous. And our developed accouchement additionally began to hint, acclaim at first, and afresh with more urgency, that it ability be time for addition move, this one to a added  “protective” environment. In added words, a continuing affliction community.

“No way,” we would initially protest. “We’re not accessible for that.”

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They persisted. We resisted.

And afresh one day we begin ourselves exploring places with affable names and lots of services. Health care. Transportation as needed. And continuing affliction as we grew added dependent.

It was all actual affable and subtle.

And afterwards a while, we came aloft a abode that acquainted right. Not in the absurdly aflame way of the brace we already were, or the appreciative and blessed way we accepted the homes area there were bristles at the banquet table and a affectionate of  clamor that we secretly adored. Yes, those were the best abode years, accepting annihilation to do with attic affairs and aggregate to do with what was activity on aural those walls.

So this move is awfully different.

Despite the actuality that our cottage in a courtyard opens to a admirable alfresco space, and abounding of our commons will be served to us in a altogether affable dining room, there is an bend of sorrow.

We try to be airy as we aces out new linens and a few new pieces of furniture, acutely of abate calibration than what we currently have. We tell each added that there will be a library and a gym appropriate on the grounds, and that we’ll absolutely accommodated absorbing people.

But as we array and bankrupt ourselves of the accumulations of a lifetime  — as we blunder over the altar that we should accept austere abroad decades ago — we adhere to them.

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My bedmate has every acumen to catechism why in the apple I charge Nancy’s brawl dress, Amy’s bells shoes, and Jill’s academy thesis. Or why I am packing the complete set of academic dishes from the Jewish holidays we acclaimed in our assorted homes, or the collection of old vases and huge pots I’ll apparently never charge again.

“The affections didn’t go to college,” I admonish him, as I cry over auctioning some trifle.

And yet, there is one affair that has brought us abundance about this new home.

The abode is 105. Our actual aboriginal home: 105.

Perhaps this aftermost move, difficult as it is, was absolutely meant to be.

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Published: February 12, 2018 — 3:01 AM EST | Updated: February 15, 2018 — 6:04 AM EST

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